yeah its been a looooongg timeeee.

I haven't been on here in a long time. basically after i "broke up" with someone. because when it comes down to it...thats what it was even though it wasn't a real relationship. it might as well shoulda been. But i've found someone here. Someone close to me, who makes me happy and i have a ton of fun with. We mesh so well. He know's when i'm upset, when i'm happy, when i'm angry, when i'm drunk...lol. Anyway, so i have the option of going to study in Pakistan for 8 months at a time. And it hurts only because i have been single for the majority of my life. I haven't had many boyfriends no matter what you choose to believe. And this one came along and completely surprised me. and i love it. We've been together for 2 months now. And i just have this feeling like, this is someone who i would have been with for a long time. i've never had any long term relationship, and i feel ready for it. But...all this talk about moving to Pakistan to study for four years makes me so sad. I wouldn't be able to keep a long term relationship with him. I would want him to be happy and if he finds someone while i'm away i want him to take full advantage of it. because i don't feel its fair for him to have to put his life on hold for me. I want him to be happy even though it means me being unhappy. Things aren't official as far as me and studying in pakistan goes. but i have a feeling that its gonna work out and i'll be going there soon and it just makes me sooo sad. But i know that my future and my career should go ahead of any man. (*i'm tearing up just thinking about it right now.*) but i believe in fate. and if its meant to be...then when i'm finished studying to become a neuro-physician in pakistan...if he's single, we'll be together, if not....thats something that i'll have to live with and i'll just have to continue on with my life, and convince myself that there's plenty of fish in the sea. Except...those fishes usually don't come my way. But still....

<3 Eileen